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Life Lately…

Life Lately…

Jenni Raincloud

I just had to pop in and explain myself….  I haven’t posted in so long and let me tell you-I think I have a serious case of writer’s block.  So, I’m hoping you all might help me…

First off a lot has happened in the past 2 weeks that have knocked me off track.  Many of you are in the know that I’ve been divorced for 6 mos. now.  I’ve posted a few personal posts about it and have been pretty open with some personal things so why stop now?  My x and I have a pretty congenial relationship and have been stumbling along trying to keep peace for the sake of our daughters.  I actually haven’t experienced a ton of anger throughout this process of healing.  That all changed when he got a serious girlfriend a month ago.  Wow, did I not see that coming.  I was paralyzed with anger and hate which knocked the wind out of me because  I’m just not an angry person.  That doesn’t mean things don’t anger me but I’m such a peace maker that I’ll do what it takes to diffuse a situation.  Even if that means I walk away for good.  Unfortunately you can’t walk away from your children’s father so I literally have been in Jesus boot camp for a few weeks.  What I mean by that is that as a Christian, I hold myself to the standards that Jesus set while He was on this earth.  Forgiveness was on full display as He died on the cross.  Jesus’ earthly life was all about love, forgiveness and accepting people for where they are at.  I knew God was telling me healing was coming but not without forgiveness.

Harboring anger is awful.  It feels awful.  I once heard someone say being full of hate is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it.  It’s so true.  So true in fact that in the midst of dealing with all these negative emotions I got a stomach bug!  Was it related-I think so.  How ironic to deal with so much pain and anger, to know that I needed healing then to get a rip roaring stomach bug over Easter-a celebration of true LOVE.  God was really showing off!  In case you’re wondering-my girls got it too-we were eye balls deep in throw up.  At one point my youngest threw up on the dog.  Pure hell.

So, I ask God daily to help me forgive my x-husband and accept what has happened.  I realized that forgiveness is a choice and not a feeling.  I’m amazed at the transformation my heart has under gone.  By praying for him my heart has actually softened.  Healing is underway and while I don’t want to hang out with him and his new gf I really wish them the best.  In fact, letting go of some of the anger has let me be open to her and it turns out, she’s really nice.  So, moral of the story?  Anger is poison, let it go daily. 

Now let’s circle back to the blog.  I’m stuck.  I can’t seem to write a post about the topic at hand-getting natural.  I’m asking you all to comment if you have any blog topics you would like to hear about.  I sure don’t claim to know everything but I like to research and I like to learn so any ideas are welcome!  This blog is running thanks to you-the reader, so I never want to lose track of what you all want to know more about!

I hope this post might help someone that is having a hard time with anger.  I tell you-only through the help of God am I ridding myself of the rejection, pain and hate I have experienced over the last year.  I never realized how dangerous it can be when you give into hateful thoughts.

HUGS, Jenni

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38 Comments

  1. Piper
    April 6, 2016 / 2:06 pm

    First if all great job, I thought this was me writing this latest entry to the blog. It sounds so much like what I have recently experienced. Taking the high road is not the easy road but it is the road God wanted you to take. It had to be you making the steps on the road. Kuddos!!!!
    Ideas would be maybe the spring being new griwth…. incorporating maybe dandelions and violets into did cooking or healthy weeds for our body. Just a thought!!! Thanks for sharing. I am not alone……

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 6, 2016 / 3:03 pm

      Piper-I’m so glad you could relate to this post. Good luck to you too-this is such a long process-I had no idea a year later I would still be dealing with the fall out. I hope you are well into your journey and experiencing some peace.
      I like that idea-I have loads of the sweetest little violets in the yard-it would be very interesting to see about incorporating them! Thanks so much!!

  2. Kathy Glenn
    April 6, 2016 / 6:55 pm

    Jenni, dang it, I’m so sorry my message didn’t make any sense. I mistakenly pasted some language in there that wasn’t supposed to be in there.

    • Kathy Glenn
      April 6, 2016 / 7:08 pm

      This is what I was trying to say:
      You are so inspirational and if I was there with you, I would give you a big hug! I am 51 years old and have been in situations in my life where it was so hard, I wondered if I would ever see the light again…but now I’m able to look back and look at it as something I had to go through to get where I am now! God bless you and know that you too will grow stronger with your experience!

  3. Katherine Herron
    April 6, 2016 / 7:17 pm

    I am sorry you have to go through this but I was told just what you happen to be doing. Pray for the person that upset you and it does soften over time.
    Topics: eyelash help, hair loss help, dark circle help, weight loss/ hormone help (can you tell I am a wreck? haha).

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 10, 2016 / 1:14 pm

      Katherine-Great suggestions-thanks so much!!!

  4. Mimi
    April 6, 2016 / 8:36 pm

    Anger was very difficult for me. After a long term me I sm just beginning to deal with the fact that I AM angry. I’m not supposed to ne angry, you know? Honesty with ourselves and some degree of honesty w other trustworthy people is healthy and the only way out. God bless you and your girls. Mimi.

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 10, 2016 / 1:14 pm

      Mimi-It’s so true-I didn’t think I was angry. Or at least that my anger was out of control. It is sometimes hard to be honest with ourselves especially when you are trying to be so strong for the kids. Thank you and God bless you too!

  5. Joy
    April 6, 2016 / 9:09 pm

    I so appreciate your openness in sharing your struggle and your faith. Jesus makes all the difference and you are proving it! Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it is so worth it. Thank you!

    I am still looking for a good natural shampoo alternative that is pH balanced and doesn’t leave me with straw or greasy strings for hair…any ideas?

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 10, 2016 / 1:10 pm

      Joy-Thank you so much! I sometimes wonder how women get through this without Jesus.
      I am pretty much clueless on shampoo. I’ve been using some natural shampoos that I’ve found at Target. They are ok. I deal with greasy scalp but yet my hair can get dry and have never quite been able to balance it. I’ve heard the no-poo method is good but it’s months of greasy, dirty hair. No thank you! I’ll keep my ears and eyes open.

  6. Dara Gambrell
    April 7, 2016 / 9:56 am

    HI Jenni,
    You are so blessed to be able to realize that you needed to let go and then to do it! Not many people have the strength and grace. That is a wonderful gift to give to your daughters and yourself. Girls who are raised by a mother you loves and forgives and has realistic expectations will be loving well adjusted young women. Keep praying.

    As far as a new topic I would love to learn some new recipes for acne prone teenagers. My daughter is 14 and has serious breakouts. She has recently begun to scar and her skin burns easily. We have been to the dermatologist but I’m not really happy with the retinol based medicine that he prescribed. We tried your skin clearing serum but she said it burned. I have been using your recipe for the tamanu oil spot treatment and the green clay mask. Those have helped a bit but I am interested in a regular routine with natural products that are easy to use because, let’s face it, getting a teenager to be consistent is like pulling teeth. The routine has to be very simple. Most of your products are geared toward adult or mature skin, like mine, and I worry that they may be too heavy or oily for her. Any ideas?

    Stay Blessed,
    Dara

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 10, 2016 / 1:08 pm

      Dara-Thank you for such kind words! I worry daily about how this will effect them as adults. How can they choose a good husband when their dad left and their mother is single and not setting an example of a solid relationship? Only God knows…
      Yes, That’s a great suggestion. I will start to focus more on acne. I will say that with the acne serum, it’s the lemongrass that burns. I’m thinking of re-formulating that one and taking out lemongrass all together. I’m not super sensitive but have found out from readers that it’s a killer. Has she tried oil cleansing? It works wonders for some. I can’t live without it. I have several articles on it. Here’s one—>The Oil Cleansing Method

  7. Bronwyn
    April 7, 2016 / 2:04 pm

    Been there, done that. Letting go is really hard to do, and as some of us find out in the end can become a health issue.
    I would love to find out more about treatment/routines for older skin, especially for those of us who have Rosacea.

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 10, 2016 / 1:04 pm

      Bronwyn-So true-That’s how I felt with that stomach bug but I know, long term it can manifest to be so much more. Hope you aren’t speaking from personal experience.
      Rosacea is something I need to talk about and explore more. Thanks for the suggestion!

  8. April 7, 2016 / 3:07 pm

    Hi Jenni,
    Awesome advice, it’s rare to hear a poignant, transparent and personal perspective like this. Letting go of what doesn’t serve you is such good advice – personally, professional, and even physically. Curious if you’d be interesting in hosting a DIY personal care product retreat at my top rated Caribbean eco lodge. . . sounds like it would be a well deserved reprieve for you. We’ve done a bunch on these check out our online review.

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 10, 2016 / 1:01 pm

      Thanks Ryan! I always ponder if my thought patterns are fruitful or not. That is so neat-thank you for your offer! I’m not good at public speaking and have so much going right now with my daughters-I truly appreciate your offer!

  9. bekah
    April 7, 2016 / 7:11 pm

    Thanks for sharing. Going through a separation and divorce after 18 years. I want to be full of love as God instructs but its hard in an abusive situation to let go of that anger. I am trying and praying. The struggle is real. Trying to focus on bettering myself and the future and just do not talk to him. Pathological liars are awful. I enjoy your posts about essential oils. I have lymphedema and would love to find ways to combat that and stress that contributes to thyroid issues. I also am struggling with fear of being on my own and supporting myself and my family as I moved straight out of my home with my parents to be with the Monster for 18 years. I honestly feel this is the closest I will get to love is to just drop the hating him and forget he existed. Any tips on stress reduction, additional income as a single parent, and truly getting over fear and anxiety are appreciated. I loved your recommendation for Love Bug probiotics and all your skin care tips and tricks. Praying for you and your sweet family – Healing and Love

    • Mrs j
      April 9, 2016 / 5:08 am

      Hi bekah,
      Just reading through the posts and came across yours. I dont normally comment,( im more the silent reader type),but having been where you are i thought i would let you know it does get easier as the years roll on by but to feel truly free and be able to escape the fear of bumping into my ex i had to move several hundred miles away from him. Sadly,as jenni points out,when you have children together it kinda makes it hard to avoid them and after the girls we share turned to teenagers they felt a longing to know him. I had hoped that after five years away he might have softened with age and be receptive to our children,how wrong i was! The threats started again,he stated over the phone one night to my now husband he meant no offence to my husband but he was going to burn our house down with me and my girls in it? BUT,what he hadnt bargained on was that through the years i never had to see him or hear anything about him i grew strong. Lets just say he now knows he can no longer treat me as he had for 19yrs nor would i cower down before him. He did indeed turn up on my doorstep and soon left with his tail between his legs! I confronted my nemesis,my fear and boy did it feel so good! No more hiding incase he was angry,no more fear of him using me as a punch bag,so,in short,what i am trying to tell you is whatever it takes you will find the strength to fight back to the person inside. It takes time but the saying time heals is true,but only if you dig deep,learn to love yourself and understand why you allowed someone to treat you so badly. I send you my thoughts,love and hope,i shall also keep you in my prayers…..good luck my love,you will find peace 😊♥️

      • Jenni
        Author
        April 10, 2016 / 12:49 pm

        Mrs. J-Thank you for sharing your story. It’s very empowering. Something I keep trying to remember is patience-I think time is a great healer-and you are so right-you gotta be willing to dig deep.

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 10, 2016 / 12:59 pm

      Bekah-It is hard but something I know for a fact is that praying for the person that abused you might not change them but it will always change you. Accepting and letting go can be such a process. If you have the ability to kick him out of your life that would make things so much easier but I guess you have to weigh what is ultimately right for any kids involved. For me, trying to co parent was like constantly ripping scabs off and then constantly licking my wounds. It will be a year May 1st and I can say, I’m not healed but just by realizing forgiveness is a choice and the anger was hurting me and my girls way more then him made such a difference.
      As far as making a living-I am so blessed that I started this blog almost 3 years ago. It has allowed me to be able to stay home and still make a decent living (the Etsy shop too) so I have to say I’m not much help with that.
      With stress I find that focusing on positives and not allowing myself to rehash and look at the negatives and give into fear helps a lot. I drink wine and that helps too! I also love to watch movies and despite not having a partner, I continued that ritual and it helps for me. Pouring myself into my children and their needs also helps to get my mind off of how I’ve been abandoned and betrayed. Too much self pity can really turn on you.
      I’m praying for you too-Time heals so much so be patient with yourself-You’ll get to higher ground soon but sometimes you have to go through all this to really heal properly so you can move forward in a healthy way. Big hugs.

  10. Cristina
    April 9, 2016 / 10:55 am

    Posts in hair loss and thickening hair as well as treatments for dry hair would be great. Specifically remedies for traction alopecia would be a great topic.

  11. Steph McMillen
    April 9, 2016 / 2:24 pm

    Being a grown up is so hard. Some days I really don’t want to “adult” anymore because it steals my joy. After reading your post, I want to say thank you for sharing your journey; I feel more hopeful that I can start my journey back to becoming the joyful person I once was. Also, THANK YOU for all the amazing, wholesome products you share with all of us. I am really grateful for your commitment to helping us live a more beautiful and hale life.

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 10, 2016 / 1:24 pm

      Steph-Thanks so much! I agree-I want to laugh again and stop being weighed down by this adult crap! I know time heals so much and rebuilding takes time. We’ll get there!

  12. Angela
    April 9, 2016 / 7:27 pm

    With God by our sides anything is possible! 🙂
    Topic ideas: Hair loss/hair growth natural treatments, How to keep a healthy scalp, summer ready beauty regime, foods to help keep a healthy skin…

  13. Angie
    April 9, 2016 / 9:46 pm

    Sunscreen & dark spots for me. Hang in there! Tomorrow will be a better day! Thanks for what you do!

    • Angie
      April 9, 2016 / 9:48 pm

      Oh and scrubs or exfoliaters.

      • Jenni
        Author
        April 10, 2016 / 1:23 pm

        Angie-Thanks for your suggestions and encouragement!!

  14. Susan Wilson
    April 10, 2016 / 12:43 pm

    Jenni,
    I just stumbled on your blog today and after reading just a few posts, I am so glad I did! I am a forty-something wife and mom who is slowly but surely trying to make healthy changes in eating & house cleaning. I just ordered my first bottles of essential oils & a diffuser, so I can’t wait to get started with those. But the main thing I wanted to say is that I am so glad you are a believer in Jesus Christ. Sometimes healthy living and Christianity don’t run in the same circles. So, I look forward to getting your posts!! And thank you for your comments about forgiveness. We need that. Every. Single. Day.

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 10, 2016 / 1:20 pm

      Susan-I’m glad you found me! You are so right-Healthy living and Christianity don’t usually go hand in hand but they should! Good luck on your journey-I hope I can help!

  15. April 12, 2016 / 8:57 am

    Thank you whole heatedly for sharing your experience. I once went through a similar experience. Healing is on it’s way. I highly recommend listing to Dr. Wayne Dyer’s podcasts for healing. Sending love and light your way.

  16. SARAH HUNTER
    April 16, 2016 / 10:32 am

    Oh sister I’ve been there. Almost five years ago to the date the divorce of my first husband was final. And what you experiened is almost exactly what I went thru (girlfriend, anger, etc). My turning point was finally seeing that I was surrounded by really strong women that I looked up to, that experienced the same pain, and were better for it down the road. They were divorced and survivied, scratch that, were THRIVING. That’s when I finally started to believe that maybe things really WERE going to get better, and oh they did!

    Another key was determining the difference between forgiving and FEELING like I could forgive. The two didn’t jive for a long time, but thru constant contact with God, I did it even if I didn’t feel like it. What’s funny is that taking the high road, was actually one of the most freeing feelings Ive ever experienced. It felt so good to choose not to react with anger, because it was exactly the response my ex was hoping for, and when I didn’t give him the satisfaction… the result was pure joy.

    But I digress. My point in sharing the above was to give you hope, it WILL get better and you WILL be such a better person because of this speedbump. As they say, it’s all about the journey.
    Since I’m a relatively new follower, I haven’t scoured your blog completely but I can tell you what I’ve been looknig for lately and not finding enough of… sensitive skincare regimes for chemo/radiation patients, how/why EOs help sleep/pain, etc, the importance of using EOs as a therapy instead of one-time use cureall, and what works for repelling the AWFUL Oklahoma mosquitos. 🙂 Hugs!

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 19, 2016 / 9:43 am

      Sarah-Hi! Thank you so much for commenting! This means a lot-I need all the encouragement I can get! It is such a process for everyone. I find it hard to not be impatient with myself. I want to rise above this already!
      I love your suggestions! I will definitely look into these!
      Do you live in Oklahoma too? I do have a recipe for bug repellent that has served me well-find it HERE.
      Hugs to you too!

      • SARAH HUNTER
        April 20, 2016 / 11:21 pm

        Yes, just an hour north of you in Stillwater! I do most of my shopping in Edmond tho. I will definitely be making the bug spray tomorrow, especially after all the rain we’ve had this week! Keep on keeping on girl!

  17. cferdie
    April 17, 2016 / 4:22 am

    I can definitely relate with you as im in a similar position myself. Im blessed to have stumbled upon your blog and I admire d fact that you talk about yout relationship with God so easily and openly. Im definitely going to be following your blog more closely.

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 19, 2016 / 9:34 am

      Cferdie-I’m glad! I hope I have been encouraging. I firmly believe that women should support other women especially when they are sharing a similar trial. Good luck with your situation.

  18. Danika
    April 17, 2016 / 10:52 pm

    Love your blog! Love you, even thought I don’t know you personally! I’m a Christ-follower too, and this post helped me. May you experience peace that just comes from Him 🙂

    • Jenni
      Author
      April 19, 2016 / 9:33 am

      Dankika-Thank you so much!! I’m so glad this post helped. I so want God to use my trials to maybe help someone else-plus it helps me to share! Peace to you too.

  19. April 21, 2016 / 7:49 am

    Jenni, thanks for being so honest and open. As a long time reader I was honestly worried about you when I wasn’t seeing new posts. So happy that you are working through this and learning to forgive. Can’t even imagine how painful it must be. You are helping others by sharing here.
    As far as ideas for posts, I always love makeup reviews. And your makeup tutorials are great…the hooded eye one really helped me! Also cute mani ideas with some of the less toxic nail polish lines. Maybe cute spring mani paired with some cute spring outfit ideas?
    Also wanted to tell you awhile back you mentioned how much you loved Hue leggings. I totally live in leggings. Finally broke down and bought a pair. What was I waiting for? They are amazing!

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